VICTORIA

VICTORIA

trains

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SEATS on trains will soon double as toilets to give credence to public transport advocate claims that commuters are treated like sheep.
Andrews

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SANTA has received a letter from Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews pleading for $15 billion worth of gifts for his state.
Victorian state election result

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TODAY'S Victorian state election result will be revealed by a puff of smoke from a tiny chimney perched on the roof of Parliament House.
Liberal

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THE Liberal Party has promised it will continue to ensure stupid rich children do not have their university places or jobs taken by smarter people who can't afford it.

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LABOR has promised to build a $900 million "tourist train tunnel" from Melbourne to Lake Eildon if elected.
Greens

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PEOPLE should vote for the Greens in this month's Victorian state election "just for a laugh", says a political expert.
Election

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THIS month's Victorian state election will be won by the party with the best porn collection, it can be revealed.

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THE local pub was awash with singlets and thongs as the fashion set stepped out in style for the Melbourne Cup.

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A BLACK cat worked long hours as an escort before blackmailing wealthy clients for thousands of dollars, a court has heard.

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MENTAL health inpatient services need to be subsidised due to sector uncertainty caused by Richmond Football Club's apparent improvement, practitioners warn.

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