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Shorten
‘I’d much rather be laying next to the toilet in the fetal position than here’
Pic credit: CPSU/CSA

BILL Shorten says he’ll refuse to get out of bed on weekends unless taxpayers cough up at least time and a half in penalty rates.

The Federal Opposition Leader said he often enjoyed Friday nights on the couch with mother-in-law Quentin Bryce watching reruns of Yes Minister while draining a 3-litre cask of Banrock Station shiraz.

“If ‘Q-Ball’ doesn’t fulfil her goon-quaffing duties I inevitably awake Saturday morning with a frightful throbbing head and vomit on my limited edition AWU pyjamas,” Mr Shorten said.

“As you can imagine it’s damn hard to get out of bed; mainly due to the nausea but also because the wife and Q-Ball are usually either side of me.

“Therefore I expect, like all Australians, to be compensated if I’m to forego a Saturday morning sobbing, spitting and spewing last night’s dinner into a bucket beside the bed.

“Believe me, I’d much rather do that than be here talking to you lot.”

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