FATHER Christmas has been warned armed forces will blow him out of the sky if he flies over Turkish airspace one more time.
Mr Christmas – a mysterious bearded man known to others as Santa Claus, Kris Kringle and that fat fuck who didn’t give me a PlayStation 4 – has added Turkey to regions he avoids during his annual mission to ingrain greed and capitalism into every child in the world.
He said he steered clear of the entire Middle East, most of eastern Europe and excessively affluent or downtrodden areas where parents were too tight or poor to leave him biscuits and milk.
“I don’t deliver to arseholes – it’s that simple,” he said.
“What intrigues me is whether the people in these areas are unpleasant because I don’t give them presents or they are rather genuinely shithouse people.
“It’s kind of like the chicken or the egg.”
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