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Pirate
‘Pirate. What’s a pirate?’

THE Pirates of the Caribbean monkey has been held in indefinite detention amid claims he is a key player in The Pirate Bay torrent sharing website.

Australian Attorney-General George Brandis said metadata obtained under his country’s new anti-terror laws proved the capuchin monkey – who plays Jack, the offsider and pet of Captain Hector Barbossa – was the website’s kingpin.

Mr Brandis said there was an obvious link between the monkey and website.

“Our metadata, you know, the data that tells you stuff, tells us both are linked to pirates,” Mr Brandis said.

Sources say Defence Minister Scott Morrison has asked the CIA to give interrogation advice as the monkey continues to provide little information under intense Australian Federal Police questioning.

“We’ve already tried threatening him with whacking a banana up the you know what,” a source said.

“But the CIA had some luck with seizing sordid sleepover details from Michael Jackson’s chimp Bubbles, so there’s still some hope.”

Meanwhile, Queensland Premier Campbell Newman warned the entire Pirates of the Caribbean 5 crew could be arrested under his state’s anti association laws if the monkey was charged.

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