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Metro Trains
‘No fucking trains. Some things never change’
Pic credit: Beau Giles

MELBOURNE rail users say a four-hour Metro Trains strike will create a much-enhanced service.

Train drivers and other staff who seem to have the cushiest jobs will strike for four hours next week, but Belgrave line sardine Shane Smith says he doubts anyone will be able to tell the difference, except for the better.

“I’d much rather be standing at the platform with no trains for four hours than running between platforms for trains that turn out to be non-existent,” Mr Smith said.

“It’s just another excuse, except at least this time we get a few days notice unlike when it rains, it’s hot or some fucker drives through a boom gate.”

Werribee line user Jayde Worthington was equally unsurprised about the disruption.

“Whether it is due to a strike or because their shitty train broke down, sitting in a stationary graffitied carriage that stinks of stale booze with less room than a caged chicken is what I expect daily from Metro,” Ms Worthington said.

Sandringham line traveller Brandon Burns said he only used trains to buy ice from his dealer behind the commission flats in Prahran.

“The train fucken’ sucks,” Mr Burns said.

“It’s full of fucking transit cops who hassle you for stabbing some cunt who looked funny at you.

“The only reason I use it is because I sold my car to buy ice. Can you pay me for this interview? I need some shard.”

Public Transport Users Group spokesman Wayne Smith said the train system was a shambles.

“Metro couldn’t organise a back alley fuck with Audrey from accounting for the work Christmas party, let alone run a train system,” he said.

“It’s much easier to drive, which is what I’ve been doing for the past four years. Right now I’m sitting on Warrigal Rd and haven’t moved for 30 minutes.

“It is still faster and far less stressful than the train.”

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