How do I find my court listing?

This is not a court website. You are probably looking for a magistrates’ court website. Google it using your state of residence. If you don’t have a computer, steal one. If you are a lawyer, barrister or solicitor, please consider advertising with The Caught Report.

My newspaper isn’t being delivered. I pay my rates, so what is the problem?

We are an online news service. And our news is fake. And although councils like expensive weird fake art not one has contributed a cent to The Caught Report, despite dozens of grant applications.

I can’t see the website?

Open your fucking eyes.

Is this website supposed to be funny? I think it stinks.

Looks like you answered your own question. Prick.

I’ve accidentally lodged something up my anus. Can you help?

No. We are not a health service. However, your neighbour may have some lubricant and a pair of tongs. If you are alone, go to your nearest emergency department. Or, if you have zero shame, phone 000.