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Barnaby Joyce
‘I don’t care if Rebel has a huge pear!’
Pic credit: Apple and Pear Australia

BARNABY Joyce has threatened to put down any actor that lies about their age on a customs declaration form.

Mr Joyce told The Caught Report that Australia had a “zero tolerance approach” to aged actors trying to sneak into the country claiming to be several years younger than their biological age.

“Rebel Bloody Wilson had better think twice before flying back here – I’ve already started petitioning for her citizenship to be cancelled,” Mr Joyce said.

“And any other Hollywood big shot thinking they can stroll in here on their fancy private jets and bullshit us about how old they are risks being put down like any other creature that is incorrectly or not declared on a customs form.

“Actors who lie about their bloody age are dressing mutton up as lamb to steal jobs from younger actors.

“And more seriously, these old actors are full of weird diseases that present a real risk to Australia’s ecosystem.”

Formerly popular tabloid magazine Woman’s Day welcomed Mr Joyce’s comments, noting the Australian public only expected bullshit from the Government.

“People love celebrities and expect them to be truthful in return for their  fans’ constant adoration and intrusion into their celebrity lives,” said publisher Anita Murray.

“It’s about time someone in Canberra finally stood up for our core audience – those hungover souls who thumb through a six-month old copy of our magazine in the doctor’s waiting room when they want to cover their arse for chucking a sickie.”

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